1. (+4 ) Dallas Cowboys-With the only flawless record left in the league and multiple wins over other playoff contenders, i have to give the top spot to this jj watt stealing slut. This team may not play exciting football but they make everyone play the cowboys game against them and the cowsluts play it better than anyone else right now. This team may seem unstoppable now but they’ll have to climb the ultimate hurdle in the postseason, avoiding going for any fake field goals.

2. (+12) Baltimore Ravens-Arlen is finally playing to his teams potential and taking names left and right. Russel wilson is leaving teams secondaries looking more black and blue then their own uniforms. Fuck you for beating me arlen how the fuck can mark andrews put up like 200 yards, bullshit.

3.(+4) Indianapolis colts Speaking of that team, the colts are back to the spot they’re used to, near the top. This team is tough to beat and methodical. The most important game for them will be week 11 however, as if the steelers beat them again, their weirdo coach may just never let it go.

4.(+8) Houston Texans-Most teams losing a player like deshaun Watson would crumble like me trying to talk to a girl, but not the Houston Texans. They’ve jumped out to strong start to the year while also stealing games off the titans and ravens. They’ll need to keep up this pace and keep their skill in forcing turnovers as the rest of their schedule only gets tougher from here, their season may just end up relying on finally getting a game off that blue horsey boi team.

5. (+8) Pittsburgh Steelers-Turns out offense is actually a lot easier when you have a qb who isn’t so far past his prime that even Fin thinks they’re washed. Even with this surging offense, the Defence has taken a clear step back as well. They still force turnovers that have them near the top of the league in the stat, but they bend much more often now leading to some gaudy stats against them. If the steelers defense copies Stella to get their groove back, the Steelers coach can finally steal a trophy to put next to his subreddit.

6. (+2) Philadelphia eagles- The eagles lack impressive stats across the board besides in the only category that matters:Wins. They haven’t always been winning clean but the eagles have downed strong teams in the Football team and the Panthers. Donny will need to step up on offense soon however as I have doubts that Lane Scott is going to lead this team to a title.

7. (+10) Miami Dolphins- Allen is passing all over the the league with his shiny new Watson toy. While they did just fall short to the browns in a shootout, this team is clearly a strong contender. If allen can hang with some of the tough nfc teams he plays soon, we could be looking at a new king of the afc lEast


9.(-7) Carolina Panthers- Even with their defense remaining as terrifying as the name Tom Brady is to any afc east fan, the panthers offense has clearly taken a step back from last year. Sam darnold has been average at best this year after winning qb(maybe he did or guice who cares) but as long they play atleast average, they wont have much to worry about with a defense so smothering even Casey Anthony is jealous.
10. (+20) Tennessee Titans- With by far the biggest shock of the season, a team that was god awful last year is now not only in prime position to make the playoffs but maybe even win a stacked afc south(still wouldn’t bet money on it due to a certain Warren existing). While they have had an easy schedule, 6-1 is no easy feat, but they’ll need to keep this level of play up with a much tougher stretch of their schedule now arriving.

11. (-7) Buffalo bills- TAYSOM TIME. The bills passing attack has struggled this season but with a stout run game and a defense that makes rex ryan have inappropriate thoughts regarding his wife’s feet, the bills dont have much to worry about. They may not win the division due to the Dolphins becoming good(which is not sim at all) the Bills should have one of the wildcard spots locked up by the later stages of the season as they prep for another deep playoff push.

12.(-6) Arizona Cardinals-With a schedule tougher than a steak cooked on a basketball court in arizona, the cardinals are just holding onto a playoff spot, Danny should end up getting into the playoffs no matter what if, but if he can’t start to close out some of these tough opponents, Danny could find him in the same place as all of his sports team, on the coach during the postseason.

13. (-3) Kansas city chiefs- Finally showing the potential of this chiefs team, they’re off to a strong first half the year only falling short to the steelers(owned) and a loss to division rival LA(division games are kinda memes) with little worry about seeing any of his division rivals in the postseason, the chiefs could be poised to finally show that they can choke in the divisional or even maybe the conference instead of the wildcard.

14 (+5) seattle seahawks

15. (-12) Green Bay packers-Perhaps made stagnant by being in a division where they are basically handed a ticket to the postseason every year, the Packers have looked like a superbowl team one week, and a team that throws 6 picks then misses a field goal to tie. If I was pest I wouldn’t be worried just yet as he clearly can beat the elite users still by giving warren his only loss, but a team that can only just scrap by the bears won’t have a deep postseason run.

16.(+4) Cleveland Browns-This team can put some serious points on the board, but the coaching staff needs to start using their talented defense to keep some off the board as well. With a huge upset to give the dolphins their first loss, the browns clearly can play winning football, they just need to start doing it every week and maybe avoid playing the nfc east anymore.

17. (-2) New Orleans Saints-Another team just on the outside of the playoff bubble, the saints just need to steal a win or two off their remaining strong opponents and beat the bad teams they should and they’ll see the postseason. A solid all around team besides a lacking LB corp, this team has the talent to get it done, its just time to see if they have the will.

18. (+6) San Francisco 49ers- While their stats are rough in some areas, this team is still in serious playoff contention, Alex hardy is as inconsistent as ever but with a star studded offense with Josh jacobs/Joey cooper in the backfield, and a trio of Travis Kelce, Eddie Cardona and Brandon Aiyuk, even he is finding ways to score points. They’ll need to find a good rhythm or they may be on the outside looking in come week 17.

19. (-18) New England Patriots-Some super bowl teams have hangovers after, this team had some sort of meth binge, a roster teardown has proven disastrous. The defense has faltered from a year ago and the offense has fallen ever further, Rookie star Trey Smart is a good heir to Tarik Cohen but even he can’t lift the anchor at QB named Jowers,barring a strong cinderella run, this team is sunk.

20. (-11) Las Vegas Raiders- Bad team management strikes again on a Raiders team that is failing to live up to expectations from last year, many people questioned shipping off star RB Josh Jacobs to san fran for Byron jones and a fullback(what is this the 60s) and those concerns have proven warranted as the raiders run game is near the bottom 5. Ptown may be skilled but he wont be going far if he keeps ruining his own team.

21. (-5) New York Giants-While smoove is a KING, his passing offense is closer to peasantry. This team has a lot of positive but it wont be able to do much as long as Danny dimes continues to play like hes worth a penny.

22.(+6) Jacksonville Jaguars-Not a true contender until they have a superstar running back

23. (-5) Los Angeles Chargers-The supreme team in LA, they are the better of a bad duo, they play a lot of games close but can’t seem to close out, sounds a little familiar…

24. (+3) Tampa Bay Buccaneers-While a solid defense has kept this team in many of their games, the offense leaves a lot to be desired. While their run game ranks in the top 10 ,their air attack is about as effective as the Luftwaffe was by 1945.If this team can start making teams fear their passing games they could make some noise, but for now the only noise is erick scott air mailing passes and leading this team to the bottom of the conference.

25. (-4) Cincinnati Bengals-Besides a career resurgence for forgotten legend Adam”Warren never played me” Thielen, this has been a forgettable year for a middling Bengals team. Rough, atleast he blew out an even more pathetic broncos team so he’s not totally inept.

26. (-15) Los Angeles Rams-Talk about a rough season, while the Rams offense can still put up yards and cam akers is still a top RB, Jared goff has struggled heavily this year. That struggles pales in comparison to a defense that almost totally fallen apart and ranks near the bottom of every major stat, their season isn’t over yet but unless the Rams can string together a big streak of wins soon, it will be.

27. (-4) Minnesota Vikings-Ok so Cory did end up losing to tony, HOWEVER, Cory has played the rest of his games much closer including against legit contenders in the titans, eagles, packers and I didn’t control my qb he just did that on the animation. This is going to be another year of Cory picking high in the draft but i maintain that he could end up stealing a playoff spot next year when half the league quits to play the show.

28. (-3) Chicago Bears- For the start of the season rankings I said how I forgot to rank this team, well it looks like the team forgot to do their job as well. This is a highly paid roster and the return on investment looks to about on par with going all in on beanie babies. Levi Wallace was paid 20 million dollars to play in 6 games so far this year and notch 2 deflections, with 34 tackles, 0 turnovers forced and 15 catches allowed. OOF

29.(+3) Detroit Lions-This Lions team is still awful, its just that everyone below them is even worse, congrats.

30. (+1) New York Jets-There is a new user so there is hope for this team to maybe turn it around but it would take a miracle to make the playoffs at this point with a putrid 0-7 record, it also doesn’t help that the afc east has decided to one of the more stacked divisions record wise.

31. (-9) Denver Broncos-ok so maybe my expectations were a bit too high to start, besides a win against a coach less team, this talented Broncos has failed to tally even a single win this year. After multiple crushing defeats including getting blown out 5 weeks in a row, it’s looking more and more likely that Head Coach Cucumber may be in over his head on offense, and defense, and football and height in general.

32.(-6) Atlanta Falcons-This team is bad, with their coach fired due to a salt overdose, a lack of talent that is crushing, and a complete lack of direction, this team really does fit in Atlanta.

By Volhar

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